PUN-ishment

I knew someone who was a monorail enthusiast. He had a one track mind.

A set of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender says, "ok, I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

Did you hear about the MAGIC tractor? It was driving down the road one day and suddenly turned into a field.

People who live beyond their means should act their wage.

I couldn't afford to buy cotton, so I decided to be abrasive and steel wool.

James Bond slept right through an earthquake... he was shaken, not stirred.

I used to have a job at a blanket factory, but it folded.

I was offered a job at making venetian blinds, but it sounded a little shady.

And finally, in the stock market today, helium was up, feathers were down, and paper was stationary.

Imagine!

Scientists say that we typically use only 60% of our brains...can you IMAGINE what we could achieve if we used the other 20%??

Creeping closer to Botox

Another year older! You'll notice I'm sporting my summer "tan", a.k.a. sunscreen-covered pale skin. We'll call it a lifelong experiment... I've worn SPF 30 every day since high school. I bet you'd never guess I just turned 46! (kidding! These 4 candles represent the big 2-5)

You can see I'm not exactly a sun-worshipper. My Husband dan says "TAN = SKINNY", to which I say "PALE is the NEW TAN!"

Club Sandwiches

www.noisebot.com

Gift Ideas for that Special Someone

It's hard to believe, but Christmas is just 3 months away! To help you avoid that last minute rush, I thought I'd make a few suggestion of this year's "big ticket items." Click on the image to enlarge



First, the Bingo Hat. Who wouldn't love a Bingo Hat?! The caption says that folks will be "startled"... well, I should HOPE so! My friend, if they don't notice anything different about you when you are wearing this, you might want to consider a visit to the plastic surgeon.

How about this one? Pure genius!


It's a real "wiener"!? Who writes this stuff?

I bet you're thinking the wiener toaster is hard to beat, but wait...


And look! Two for $16.50, so you can trim your ear AND your nose at the same time!

Parents: What NOT to name your kid

I know it's pretty popular these days for parents to come up with original and sometimes downright strange names for their offspring. However, this, we can all agree, is a very bad name choice. Last name, "Butt." That's bad enough, right? And hey, maybe the last name you really can't choose. But look at the first name: "Ufaq."

I know what you're thinking- no way, Carmine. But I'll have you know, that I personally met Ufaq Butt. She, unlike her name, is very lovely.

What's wrong with this picture?

Dan and I saw this lovely mannequin at the NYC train station in a little shop that sells pantyhose and well... items like this lovely model is wearing here. Dan says, "Whoa, look at the 6-pack abs on her! Wait... is that a MAN?"

We cracked up and got nasty looks from the store owner as Dan caused a distraction and I snapped a picture on my camera phone.

Here's a thought- how about you use FEMALE mannequins for your lingerie, ok? You're really not fooling anyone.

Dan says, "Sweet Nothings...Sweet Nothings...Sweet Nothings"