I don't know why I'm posting this...

Why don't they just make bigger SEATS? Do big people have bigger POOPS too? Ewwwwww

Does your face hurt? Cause it's KILLING ME!

My jaw's been pretty bad this week, folks. For those of you who don't know, I have TMJ- it was diagnosed in university, when I went to the doctor for piercing painful ear infections, but I didn't have an ear infection! They couldn't diagnose what was wrong with me, but I was crying in severe pain for a week before they referred me to an ear nose and throat specialist, who took a pressure test inside my ears. They found out that I grind my teeth in my sleep, and because of it, I had worn away the cartiledge between my mandibular joint and my skull and that's what was causing the pain. I had MRI's, I had a splint built for my mouth that I used to wear 24/7 and now I just wear at night. Anyway, my jaw would lock open or it would lock closed and I had to drink shakes through a straw for 3 months. I had a surgery where they used a laser to build scar tissue to replace the missing cartiledge, and after lots of prayer and healing, I finally recovered. BUT, I still have to be careful- I cut up all my food (especially apples and crunchy stuff) into small pieces, and I am careful working out not to clench my jaw when lifting, or impact it when running or jumping rope. It's one of those things that will never go away, I just have to take care of it, and be aware of what triggers the pain.

You know what triggers it the most? STRESS. Yup, and Monday and Tuesday were extremely stressful days at work, where I was working under an extremely close deadline to get stuff done. As a result, I got the searing, sharp pains in my eardrums again, and I knew it was time to slow down and relax before my TMJ got outta control. As a result, I skipped the gym entirely this week, and just walked the 50 blocks home from work everyday instead. I got home Monday, walked the dogs, put on my jaw splint, and took a muscle relaxer. Next thing I know, I woke up at 3am on the sofa- I'd fallen asleep at 7pm! I went to bed and feel asleep again until my alarm went off at 7am. Yay- 12 hours of sleep! My jaw feels much better- just a little sore, as if you chewed a whole bunch of that hard bazooka joe bubble gum for like 3 hours. Know what I mean?

Side effects... um... yeah!

This vaccine shot is driving me nuts! The spot where I got the injection is SWOLLEN- like a 1 inch diameter LUMP on my upper arm, and it's all red and extremely itchy! Plus, the spot where the needle went in is bruised purple and green. People keep asking me, "What the hell happened to your ARM?!" It's nasty-looking! Now I know why babies cry so much and are grumpy after getting shots- it's miserable!

Good Idea! Saves money on those childproof plastic thingys!

Click to enlarge ( so you can read the ridiculously small font... geez!)

Hey, I said PLEASE!

Celebrity yearbook photos

Jack Black looks awesome- Lance Bass is scary, and well, we can all see why Mariah Carey has gotten so much plastic surgery! Yikes!

CLICK HERE

PLEASE read the sign!

This is great- it makes me LOL :)

A new Photoshop gallery!

Check out how Redbook made FAITH HILL look on their cover. The before picture and the after photoshop picture are outrageous! Hey, ladies- I bet this will make you feel MUCH better about yourself!

Beauty is a BUSINESS, folks! The creams, makeup, hair- none if it works, because none of these people look like that in real life!

Greatest City in the World

Yet another reason to be awed by New York City: The United Nations. I was walking by the other day, and I realized I'd never been over here to see the UN buildings. It's way over on 1st avenue and 46th street, which is a neighborhood I guess I'm never in. I decided to walk to my doctor's office on 51st and 2nd ave since it was such a nice day out- I love it when the summer heat starts to calm down and you're left with sun, a cool breeze and cool evenings. Isn't that the best?

No Smoking Apples?

I saw this sign on the way to my doctor's office on Friday. I thought it was funny- it can be interpreted in a couple of different ways, right? No smoking apples allowed here? Apples are prohibited from smoking? Ok, well we know the obvious- no smoking in the big apple, but I think this sign is a funny way of saying it!

I had a rushed doctor's appointment because I realized that I'm turning 27 next weekend, and I didn't get the Guardasil vaccine for HPV. It's only covered by insurance for women up to 26, so I had to get the vaccine while I was STILL 26! It HURT, and there's 2 more injections to come. My whole arm was sore the next day- deep in the muscle. Anyone else get this vaccine?

Another Rat Picture...ENJOY!

One of the benefits of having a PRIVATE blog post...

Yes, that IS Dan. In drag. Let me explain:

Dan left for Miami on Sunday for his semi-annual manager meetings for Diesel. All the managers are together for a week, and since he's a corporate senior manager now, he leads the meetings, gives presentations, etc. One of the activities is to divide managers into groups, who will then give presentations on what they've learned. Dan and 2 other people will be "judges" from current reality shows, and will comically judge their presentations and give prizes. They take this very seriously! Dan decided to be Mary Murphy, the crazy judge from "So you think you can Dance." Mary is famous for her "HOT TAMALE TRAIN WOOOOO!!!!"

Saturday was one of the funniest days ever because Dan made me go shopping for his "outfit." We first bought the wig for him ( I think it's pretty close to Mary's haircut!) and we got a great deal for $9.99! Of course, Dan made ME ask for and purchase everything, because he didn't want people to think it was for HIM! :) Ha ha !

Next, we went to find him an outfit. We went to this little shop in midtown that had hoochie type club clothing for like $5 and up. First, we found the patent spike high heels- the higher the better! Dan didn't know what size to buy, and he was too embarassed so he snuck off to a corner and hid behind a clothes rack while I blocked the view so that he could try on his high heels! I was laughing so hard I thought I'd pee my pants! He was like, "OWWW!!! These things HURT!" I told him maybe now he won't act annoyed when I complain about my feet hurting after spending 8 hours in heels! These heels were perfect in a size 10 and they were only $19! Score!

I picked out this leopard dress, and we both agreed it was perfect. Dan wanted to try it on in the fitting room, but I talked him out of it because I said that would be a little TOO weird, and the sales people didn't look like they were in a laughing mood! It was lycra so I assured him it would fit. The dress was only $24!

We got home, and Dan wanted me to teach him how to walk in the heels. He wobbled around like a line-backer until I showed him how to point the toe, shoulders back, and walk in a straight line while swaying your hips. He didn't do so well because he kept complaining about the shoes being so tight. Then we had to make him some boobies. He put on my bra, stuffed it with socks and then complained that they were still too small! I told him sorry, but your wife is an A cup, and you're not making me feel any better about it! LOL

He talked me into letting him take my thigh high black hose with the seams up the back to complete his "look." I made him promise to take pictures when he's all done up with the makeup and everything. Here's a preview of his look: We both agreed he makes a VERY ugly woman! I guess that's a GOOD thing?!


I tried on the wig and asked him if he'd like his wife to be a brunette. His answer? NO!!!!!!!!