Ummm... YEAH!

A survey shows that U.S. workers waste 20% of the day on the job taking care of personal business, socializing or on the Internet.

(Or taking part in surveys about what they are doing.)

Do you think "Mundane" is derived from the word "Monday?"

It could be vice versa... the two words are almost synonyms. I hate Mundane Mondays.

By Request...

For Nolan

That's UN-POSSIBLE!

I loved the Simpsons movie! Let me start by saying that it was so great! Matt Groening is a genius and deserves some sort of (spider-pig) award for creating a cartoon show that has run on prime-time for 18 years AND a 2 hour movie to get people to pay for something they can watch for free at home (as Homer points out in the first 5 minutes of the film!) Dan has never even SEEN an episode of the Simpsons, and hates the show, but I begged him to see the movie with me. I can say quite proudly, that even he was laughing out loud during MULTIPLE parts of the movie. The theatre was packed, and the whole audience laughed for practically EVERY line of the show! What's next for the Simpsons... a BROADWAY SHOW?!!! Oooooh! That'd be fantastic!

I have to complain about one thing, though- where was RALPH! I love Ralph Wiggum, he's my favorite character on the show, and I was so excited to see him crawl out on the 20th century Fox logo at the very start of the film. Wasn't that hilarious? He sang along to the theme of the 20th century song, while picking his nose. Pure comedy.

After that, he had like 1 other line in the whole movie, "I like men now," when Bart skated by naked on his skateboard (another brilliant part, and you know what I mean!) Where was my Ralphie?

So, in tribute to Ralph Wiggum, I researched some of his greatest quotes from the show. Enjoy! (Oh, and GO see this movie! I promise it's worth it!)

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!

I bent my wookie.

The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there

Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."

Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."

And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life

I found a moonrock in my nose!

That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!

Restless Leg Syndrome?

Ok, What's up with restless leg syndrome? I've been seeing these commercials on TV, and they describe a "creepy crawly sensation" in your legs while resting. I swear, everytime I see this commercial, I feel the creepy crawly sensation!! It's as if just seeing it on TV, I automatically think I have it! What is up with this? Is there really a condition for feeling like you need to move your legs? And why do you need medication for this? Why not just get up and walk around- go get some exercise, work it out! You know what I do when I feel the urge to move my legs? I MOVE THEM!

It made me curious, though, so I went on the Miramax website to see what this drug is that's supposed to help you with "creepy crawly legs." You wanna know what the side effects are? Get ready...

I addition to the usual- nausea, headaches, dizziness, and oh yeah, "falling asleep while driving a car" (that's a good one, right?) they also include hallucinations. That's right, they say you can experience seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting or feeling something that isn't there. Do you follow me on that last one... feeling something that's not there? Like, oh say, feeling creepy crawly sensation in your LEGS? Ha!

But here's my favorite, and to prove I'm not making this stuff up, I'm gonna take this original exerpt from their own website on the list of side effects:

"There have been reports of patients taking certain medications to treat Parkinson’s disease or RLS, including MIRAPEX, that have reported problems with gambling, compulsive eating, and increased sex drive. It is not possible to reliably estimate how often these behaviors occur to determine which factors may contribute to them. If you or your family members notice that you are developing unusual behaviors, talk to your doctor."

Can you imagine confronting someone about their gambling addiction?

"Hey, Hal- I think you have a gambling problem."

"No way, man- I can't help it! It's my RESTLESS LEGS! I have no control! I can't stop playing blackjack!"

"Hal, you'd better lay off the oreos and Big Macs. You've got an overeating problem."

"Uh uh, it's my LEGS! MY LEGS! MY RESTLESS LEGS! I can't stop eating cake and having sex because of my creepy crawly legs!"

Aren't I a GREAT great-aunt?

Can you believe I'm a GREAT-Aunt of 2? Yup, that's right! Dan's nephew has 2 sons, and this is Talon, the youngest. Talon was born in January and his older brother Griffin is 4. Talon was obsessesed with pulling and eating my hair- he's got quite an arm! It really hurt!

Simpsons Movie Tonight!

Oh yes, my friends... the moment that was 18 years in the making! Simpsons movie opens TONIGHT! Here's me at Moe's Tavern, having a brew with Homer to celebrate.

Puff the magic dragon

Dan cracked me up this morning! He decided he didn't want to wear socks with his shoes, so he put baby powder in them to keep them fresh as a baby's bottom. Evidently, he put too MUCH powder in them, because when he started walking down the sidewalk, little powder CLOUDS would puff up out of his shoes with each step he took. Left foot...poof...Right foot...poof... Left foot...poof...

Hmmmm

Does the atheist dyslexic not believe in DOG?