Don't Panic!

Hello all! Yes, it's been forever since I've posted on my blog, but I promise I'll put stuff up tonight when I'm home from work! I've got great stuff to share, and boy have I been busy! Last week, Danny, Kristi, and Ava spent the week with us, and this past week, my brothers Brad and Nolan were here. On the weekend, Cory came to visit! It's been the Bortner Bed & Breakfast! I've got pics from a comedy show at the Laugh Factory comedy club, Madame Tussauds' wax museum, a midnight prank with "inflatable Mr. Stud", Tuesday's adventures in a Chinatown sweatshop, Rangers game at Madison Square Garden, pics from "the Room" in SoHo, skating in Bryant Park...my camera's gonna blow up! Hang in there, I'll post everything as soon as I can!

Mom jeans

Awww... I feel bad for Rihanna! She pays $$$$ for a Hollywood stylist, and she gets talked into wearing these hideous acid-washed MOM JEANS on TRL? Hey, I love high-waisted jeans, but these are not cute. :(

Google-icious!

Ok, ready? This is really going to freak you out! You know that crazy technology that Google Maps uses to view satellite maps of Earth? You can actually see animals! It’s CRAZY! I was skeptical, but it works and it’s kinda scary how vivid the pictures can be. I found this when I was on strike last week, and I wanted so bad to break my strike and post it because it’s just that cool! You’ve GOT to check this out!

First, go to GOOGLE MAPS.
Then, copy the following co-ordinates of latitude and longitude, and paste them into the search bar. Then, click “search maps.” When it comes up, click satellite view, and then, without moving the location, just keep clicking the zoom button as it zooms in on the green arrow that marks the spot. This is crazy!

BUFFALOS: 4°17'21.49" S 31°23'46.46" E
CAMELS: 15°17'40.32" N 20°28'47.42" E
ELEPHANTS: 10°54'13.66" N 19°56'06.15" E
FLAMINGOS: 21°50'36.15" S 35°27'00.60" E
HIPPOS: 6°53'53.00" S 31°11'15.40" E6°54'00.10" S 31°11'11.67" E
ORYX: 24°57'18.60" S 15°51'30.61" E
SEALS: 18°26'45.45" S 12°00'44.20" E

Does anyone know any others? What other cool stuff can you do with Google Maps?

What happened?

Can you believe it’s NOVEMBER?! What happened?! I once heard a quote that said, “life is a lot like toilet paper: the closer you get to the end, the faster it seems to go!” Well, I’m not sure if I’m at “the end” but it sure feels like it’s going fast!

If you’re still in denial about summer being OVER, check out this picture of the snow in Canada- my brother, Nolan, even made a little snowman!

Here comes WINTER!

I'm BAAAAACK....

Nice job, folks! You really came through- you even went over and ABOVE the 15 comments!! I knew you could do it! Ahhh… it’s nice to be back. I’ve got some good stuff to blog about too, ‘cause I’ve been keeping a little post-it with random stuff I need to remember to tell you about. Cory, please send Mr. Stud pics and update me on his whereabouts so that I can put out an APB. Kristi/Danny- please email me pics of me and you with Oprah last week…I can’t believe she let us take a picture with her! Oh boy, I got a lot of catching up to do! Stay tuned!

Throughout history and traversing all cultural boundaries, men and women have collectively joined together to protest injustice and defend human rights. Massive political and social movements have developed when collectively; people take a stand and say, “NO MORE!”

I am therefore announcing that I have decided to enforce a blog STRIKE. That’s right, folks: no more posts until I get FIFTEEN comments!!

You wouldn’t think of walking past me on the street without at least waving, or saying, “hey Carm! What’s up?” I would hope that you would kindly smile if we met while in line at the grocery store. (Maybe you’d even talk to me!) Yet, every day you visit my site when you’re bored at work, or nothing’s on TV at home, or you’re just plain nosey and want to see what I’ve been up to in my corner of the world. And do you even say, “Hi?” Nope! I give you people daily commercial-free entertainment, political insight, interesting thoughts, and make a fool out of myself in public just to get that perfect picture for my blog, and how am I even thanked for it?

Now, I must say, that not all of you secretly stalk me without leaving a comment now and then. I would be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t acknowledge that there ARE a few of you who are considerate enough to leave me a “ha ha” or “that’s funny, Carm” in the comments section. I am especially touched by those of you who write even more than 1 sentence! So THANK YOU to all my encouraging supporters. But I’m not budging- that’s right FIFTEEN comments need to show up before you’ll see any more pictures or funny stories.

This is where the rubber hits the road, people- no more online anonymity! I purposely made my blog PUBLIC so that I could openly share with you, but I can see the traffic counter and I KNOW that dozens of people are viewing my blog daily and not even saying “hi!” Who are you? Who’s out there? I wanna hear from you!

What kind of idiot can't park a MINI?!

I saw this mini cooper parked on our street while I was walking home from work. Now, I know I have little tolerance for people who can't parallel park but THIS is the worst!! Ha ha!

Excuuuuuse me!

Last weekend, we were on the Staten Island ferry to see the Statue of Liberty with Dan's nephew and niece. We lined up early and got great seats outside on the upper deck so we could get good pictures and...some ignorant dude stood right in FRONT of me! Here's a picture of his rear end blocking my view. I finally tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me- I'd rather see the statue of liberty than your backside." He moved and I got the pictures I wanted.
Dan didn't like holding my purse while I played photographer...

Black & White's

A New York legendary treat: Black & White cookies. Sooo yummy! Originally, they were made with leftover cake batter- they taste more like fluffy cakes than cookies. The icing is half vanilla, half chocolate fondant. "Ebony and Ivory live together in perfect harmony..."

Etiquette of a Barbecue

It is important to study the etiquette of this outdoor cooking ritual, as it is usually the only type of cooking a real man will do - probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion:

1. The woman buys the food.
2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
4. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
5. The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
7. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. Everyone PRAISES THE MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
11. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing her.

PUN-ishment!

The horse got run over by a car. It's now in stable condition.
When a woman sees her first grey hair, she usually thinks she'll dye.
Her boyfriend had a wooden leg, until she broke it off.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes Benz.
He wears glasses during math because it improves division.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
When the waiter spilled a drink on his shirt, he said, "this one is on me."

Central Park-ing

Autumn hasn't quite shown its colors in NYC yet... we went to Central Park this weekend to see some foliage, but we ended up just seeing some wierdos. (You'll know who I'm talking about at the end of this blog...) Central Park, for those of you who have never been, is simply stunning. It's ginormous, and we still haven't seen even 1/10th of it after living here for a year! It's amazing that this is in the middle of the busiest and craziest city in the world- it's so beautiful and serene and calming. This vineyard area is one of our favorite spots.



The vines have grown and made a roof and a green shady canopy.

Dan asked me what kind of beans those are, hanging from the vines. I said I dunno, he should eat them and see what happens!

This vine was so cool-looking! It kind of reminds me of those curvy waterslides at water parks!

I took a picture of this gorgeous tree below because it immediately struck me as a great climbing tree! I climbed so many trees as a kid, that even now I find myself looking for good trees to climb. This one would be awesome! Maybe I'll go back and climb it... and probably get arrested.

Here's a courtyard with a massive fountain and a lake where you can rent rowboats. The fountain is in the opening credits of "Friends, " for all you fans. Dan wouldn't jump in the fountain to re-create the scene. He just made a face at me for asking.

And, as promised... let's play "where's wierdo", my version of where's waldo! Can you see the weirdo in the picture below?

Bingo!