Bums for Hire

When I first moved to NYC, I felt so sad seeing the amount of homeless people who would dig through trash bins, beg on the street, and shuffle along with shopping carts full of all their earthly possessions. Dan and I started saving all our cans, and putting them outside the trash in a separate bag to save the bums just a sliver of pride, rather than have to dumpster dive for their 10 cent refund. I soon noticed that you see the SAME people everyday, in the SAME place, in the SAME condition. Obviously, giving them your spare change just encourages them to keep doing what they do, instead of urging them to get a job and contribute to society in a positve way.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that no matter who you are, in any condition, you can get a job doing SOMETHING. Even if it's sweeping cigarrette butts in the park, or rubbing pigeon droppings off lamp posts- there are jobs that ANYONE, even with mental illness, no education, or poor hygeine can do.

I also came to the realization, that even if you can't find a JOB, you can figure out a way to EARN the money that people donate to you. For example, dance a jig! Play a kazoo in a funny hat! Offer to tie people's shoes! Make crafts like hats or paper swans out of old newspapers! I once saw a guy in the subway with a tiny little kitten in his lap, and an empty can of cat food- of COURSE I stopped and gave HIM money! It was for the CAT! (Actually, I told Dan that if he REALLY wanted to make money, he'd have a sign that said, "If I don't make $50 tonight, I will EAT the cat!")

Speaking of signs, where do they get the money to buy supplies for these signs? Sharpies are EXPENSIVE, people! I saw a guy with a sign that said, "I'm hungry. I have no money for food." Yeah, well you WOULD if you hadn't bought a sharpie and a piece of poster board! So, why don't bums start a business MAKING SIGNS for other bums? Instead of having to buy the supplies, you can buy a ready made sign (maybe in bright flourescent pink?) for $1 from the homeless guy with the little desk set up on the corner. It's his "bid-ness."

So, imagine how impressed I was when I saw that some bums (I'm kinda tired of saying "BUM" all the time... how about "residency-challenged") had gotten in line for the Apple iPhone at the Manhattan Apple store, and were SELLING their spots!

Pure GENIUS! Great job, guys! I love it! My brother Nolan suggested that they could become professional line holders, and pass out business cards (maybe the sign guy can make them?) for concert tickets, video games, movie openings, broadway shows... the list goes on! Then we realized that they don't have cell phones, to be able to call them to arrange a hire. Nolan suggested that I start a business managing the line-holders, and scheduling jobs for them, taking a 50% cut of the profits. Essentially, a "BUM PIMP."