We celebrated Wilde's 2nd and Sevryn's 4th (yes, FOURTH!) birthdays this summer. This poor blog has so much dust collected on it, but I still have people that tell me they've found/read my posts and it's such an important time capsule that I cherish it and really hope to be able to post more often. No promises, though- because since these kids were born, I've realized that my time with them is SO short and goes SO QUICKLY that I will find a million and one excuses to not do ANYTHING else (housework included) during the day except simply BE PRESENT with them.
They're the greatest teachers I've ever had in this lifetime. I absolutely am challenged, humbled, empowered, delighted and improved as a human being just by being their mama.
But it does happen- as much as I savour every moment with them as a full-time 100% stay-at-home mom, I feel like I just BLINKED and now they're so grown.
I honestly just felt it for the first time this summer, really. All moms have told me, "Enjoy it. They grow up so fast. Cherish it." But I never truly *got* it until this summer. I stumbled across some pictures of my babies as newborns, and I literally felt a heaviness in my chest, an ACHE. Like a physical reaction to seeing their wrinkled up fingertips and flakes of newborn skin that flutter off those first few days. The photos of their eyes all crossed and unfocused and squinted in the light because they've so rarely even opened them the first week.
It's so difficult to explain to someone who hasn't yet been there. With two babies so close in age, I felt like I was in survival mode for these first 4 years: just struggling to cope on such little sleep and trying so hard to give both the attention they need at different ages. I don't miss the lack of sleep, breastfeeding, the swollen and puffy post-pregnancy body, the diapers, the sickness when they're too little to give them anything for relief. But I miss the sensory things: the way I could run my fingers through those little tufts of newborn hair on their head. The feeling of their head fitting EXACTLY between my chin and chest. Those little contented grunt and rapid inhalation sounds after their bellies are full of warm milk and they've drifted off to sleep in my arms. The sight of little round toes pushed up against the bars of the crib. I miss those things.
And yet, they are so much FUN at this age! Wilde has been out of diapers COMPLETELY since the day after his 2nd birthday (even at NIGHT!) and it is so liberating to walk out the door with only my keys and wallet in a NORMAL purse (not a diaper bag.) Wilde is even so eager for his independance that he refuses to even let me help him in the bathroom. If I try to follow him in, he puts his little hand up and says, "Puhwi-wa-see, Mama! PUHWI-WA-SEE!" (his way of saying, "privacy.")
I've kept a journal every day, to document these little treasured moments and cute little things they say and do, so at least I can feel like I'm slowing time down a little bit! But yeah- it's all happening so fast now. Sevryn has told me she wants to wait and go to school "When I Five, Mama" , so we aren't placing her in preschool (which is what I prefer anyway!) I love having my babies so close to me and with me all day. I know it won't be long before they want nothing to do with mama and they are off running around with boyfriends and girlfriends so I will keep them as close as I can WHILE I can!
Today, we went to Central Park with some friends, and I can't believe how big they look. BIG.
That's Sevryn Monet with the super long hair, and Wilde Augustus looking over at the big kids to make sure he gets the pose right!
Here are a couple more from this summer's adventures. Tick Tock Tick Tock and time runs on...
Sevryn at age 3 and Sevryn at age 4
Wilde age 1 and Wilde age 2...taken almost exactly a year apart