That's a freakin' LOT of hair!!!

Hey everyone! I'm ready for my MAURY MAKEOVER! Anyone watch the tv show Maury, when they do the "sloppy housewives" makeovers? LOL!

This is what happens when I brush my hair out! WHOA!

Worst. Prom outfits. Ever

All I can say is, "God Bless America!"

How Many of Me?

I found a FUN website called www.howmanyofme.com!

Type in your first and last name, and it searches the U.S. database to see how many people have your exact name! I searched my name (in several variations... Carmine, Carmin, Blinn, Bortner) and I am the ONLY person in the USA with my name! Cool, right?

Oh, and it also said that more than 99.9% of "CarMINEs" are MALE. That's why I dropped the "e", folks. I'm not an Italian hit-man.

Read closely...

Did I mention how much I love www.engrish.com? It's fantastic!

Happy Birthday, Michael Jackson!

Happy 50th birthday to the KING of pop! I'm a Michael Jackson fan- but I still think he's a freakin' nut-job! You can't deny that his music is amazing, and he's a legend. Even 40 years later, when "ABC" comes on at a party, EVERYONE comes out to dance!

So here's an artist rendition of what Michael Jackson might look like if he HADN'T had any plastic surgery (not that he admits to it or anything...)

This is why make-up artists get paid so much!

The wonders of makeup! Feel better, girls?

What WAS that on her shoulder?

Did anyone notice that wierd black thing on the volleyball player's shoulder during the Olympics? I did, so I researched and found out it's called KINESIO tape. Read more in the NY Times article HERE

The Great Molasses Flood

A little known historical disaster happened in Boston, when a MOLASSES flood took the lives of 21 people and injured countless others. On January 15, 1919, a molasses tank at 529 Commercial Street exploded under pressure. A 40-FOOT WAVE OF MOLASSES crushed buildings and inundated the neighborhood! To this day, people living in the area claim that on a hot day you can smell the molasses!

See historical photos and read more about this unusual and tragic disaster HERE

Cool Website of the day!

I found this website and it's delightfully addictive! TRUCKSPILLS.COM is an archive of photos of trucks spilling things. (Did I have to explain that?)

From onions to M&Ms to olympic coins. Check out the spills HERE and waste some time at work today, courtesy of yours truly.

Robotic Exoskeleton helps paralyzed people walk!

It's predicted that this may be widely available by 2010 and will cost about $20,000. Could the wheelchair soon become extinct? Check out this news article HERE. So sci-fi looking, right?

Alexis Cohen

In case you missed her last year on American Idol... check it out!

Move your Boogie Body!

I think this lady is on crack or something. I especially like when the other girls freeze and she keeps it going! LOL Make sure you watch till the end... HOT DOG!

Pamela is MY idol!

Oooooh you’re gonna LOVE this story, readers! THIS is another reason why it’s great to have a private blog! This is TOP SECRET and I could never post this publicly but you are about to be privy to some very exciting information!





My friend Pam called me and asked if I could meet her at Chelsea Pier 60 yesterday…why? Because she made it to the final auditions for American Idol in front of Simon, Paula, Randy, and Kara (the new judge!)!!!!!! Isn’t that amazing?!!!! Most people don’t realize that there are 4 auditions before you even get to the “Simon audition”, where they narrow it down from like 50,000 people to around 50!

Of COURSE I took the day off of work and got up bright and early at 5:30am to meet her. She was looking mighty fine in her military uniform. Doesn’t she look like America’s Sweetheart?!


Here’s the line outside the convention center: about 35 contestants were auditioning today.

Right away, Pam introduced me to some friends that she’d made during the last 4 days of auditions: Luke and Jock, two Canadians from Nova Scotia. They were going to audition with a song they wrote called “I got rejected on American Idol.” They can’t actually be on the show because they don’t have work authorization in the U.S., but they decided to do this whole thing for publicity. They have a duo comedy act, and perform all over Canada.

The day was LOOONG, and there was lots of waiting. We got to meet a memorable contestant from last year’s show: Alexis. She’s famous for her manic meltdown and flipping off the cameras and telling Simon to kiss her ass in a mad rage in front of the cameras. The TV show, “Extra” gave her a makeover and she’s back for a second chance to redeem herself. She was actually really shy and nice. I didn’t see her audition, but I sure hope she did better than last year! Does anyone recognize her from last year?

Pam and I did our best to get some camera time, and Pam was FREAKIN' AMAZING in her audition! She blew me away and she looked SO great on camera!! YAY PAMELA!!! We even got to talk to Ryan Seacrest!

BUT…I’m not going to reveal how the story ends. You’ll have to wait until season 8 airs to find out!

Wait, there’s more! Remember the Canadians? Well the producers bumped them to audition on Wednesday instead of Tuesday, so Dan and I offered to let them crash at our place for the night. Hotels were at least $400, and hey, I’m always willing to help out my fellow Canucks! We had lots of laughs and a fun time hanging out with Pam, Luke, and Jock last night. Check out Luke and Jock’s website at http://www.lukeandjock.com/!

I taught them how to do the “prune” pose, and we took some pictures to commemorate the day!

Welcome to Strictville, population: ME.

You know what my downfall is? If I eat something “bad” (and I hate saying that food is BAD, because it’s not. Robbing a bank is BAD. Stealing from a church offering plate is BAD. Eating chips is NOT bad, it’s just an unhealthy choice.) Ok, there, I had to correct myself.

So, when I make an unhealthy food choice, it turns into a cycle. “Well, I ate that cookie, so I may as well order fries for lunch. Ok, well now I ate the fries, so what’s the point? I may as well have ice cream.” And on and on…
THEN, what’s worse is that if I get that attitude, and start eating all this junk, then I lose my ambition to go to the gym, because my body feels so disgusted. I know that I won’t be able to run as long, lift as much, and I’ll lose my motivation to even workout that day. And it all started with a stupid cookie! This is exactly why I can’t be one of those people that has “a little bit” of a treat or snack every now and then. If I blow it, then I blow it BIG TIME! When I’m good, I’m REALLY good, and I can’t even be persuaded to deviate from healthy fruits, veggies, and chicken. When I’m eating good, then I work out EVERY day, and work out HARD. I drink 2 gallons of water without flinching! But am I confined to eat this way for the rest of my life and NEVER enjoy a slice of pizza or a brownie again? That’s a sad thought :(

So, I turn to YOU, readers: help me out! How do I break this cycle of throwing in the towel and binging on junk food every time I taste even the tiniest bit of sugar? How do I enjoy small portions of junk food “sometimes” or on special occasions, without spiraling into a mess of laziness?

See, today I’m back on my warpath of health- I drank a protein shake for breakfast, had a protein shake for lunch with cottage cheese, and a banana for a snack. After work I’m headed straight to the gym before going home and eating steamed chicken and steamed vegetables for dinner. And that’s FINE, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy feeling and looking good, but GEEZ, do I have to abolish sugar and carbs FOREVER? That’s not a world I want to live in!

HELP!

I always wanted to live here...

I took this picture in the Meatpacking district near the NERO restaurant that I blogged about on my other site. I always wanted to live in this gorgeous building with the blue neon lights around the roof.

But I just found out that it's a HOTEL. So, unless I can afford to buy the hotel someday, I probably won't be living there.

Crap!

Slow-ass Hornet

What's worse than being stuck in traffic behind a slow moving vehicle with no passing lane?

Being stuck behind THIS slow moving vehicle... a lovely little RV piece of crap called (see the name up there?) THE HORNET!

What kind of genius came up with this name for their luxury camping vehicle? The HORNET??

Just when I thought CROCS couldn't get any worse...

Now they're selling a freakin' HIGH HEEL CROC?!!!!! What the?! Ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...


Check out the high heel ladies' crocs HERE (and don't EVER wear these around me!)

Dance Off in Hoboken, NJ!

Hoboken NJ is famous for a man who dances on the corner of 14th St... all day, every day.

Little did he know that he was about to face his fiercest competitor in... A DANCE OFF!

I still can't figure out what kind of a mess THIS IS!

"The Donald" gets caught up in "The Wind"

Yet another addition to my "Bad idea tattoo gallery"

Patrick Swayze as a unicorn? Yeah, the chicks will really think you're hot with THAT one!

Pet peeves

I'm a person with many pet peeves. I guess that means I'm generally just disgruntled! In any case, I'm going to throw a couple of my pet peeves down on this blog- feel free to comment and add your OWN. Let's begin our little venting session, shall we?

Grocery carts with one bad wheel or any other non-working parts
Saying "Let there be light" every time any light switch is flipped anywhere
Roadmaps that aren't all folded correctly- how frustrating is it to fold a stupid MAP?!
Essays or speeches that begin in this way: "Websters dictionary defines..."
Greeting cards that throw sparkles, sequins or confetti on the hapless recipient
Having a drawerful (or more) of unknown cords, transformers, rechargers, adapters...
People who take forever to leave a parking space while others are clearly waiting for it
People who STOP at the top or bottom of an escalator so that you practically fall on top of them trying to get off.
Thinking no one is around, farting, and someone comes along before the stench goes away (admit it, you've done it!!!)
Long lines in women's bathrooms, where next door, men zip in and zip out, no waiting!
People who go into a 10 items or less line with a fully loaded grocery cart (UGHH!!)
The grocery clerk who puts the receipt in your hand, along with your change. I don't want to fumble separating it from my money, nor do I want to put it in my wallet or hold it.
The buttered side of the toast always hits the carpet
People who constantly apply the brakes for no reason!

Airing out my dirty laundry

I've got SO much laundry to do!
Correction... DAN has so much laundry to do!

Dan's always been the laundry taker-carer-ofer, since he's so particular with how his clothes are washed, folded, and hung. This arrangement works out nicely for me, because I was of the "throw everything in at once and wash in cold water" school of laundering. Dan is meticulous and every garment is treated carefully and thoughtfully. The other reason that I don't do laundry is that if ever something was to go wrong, and something of his was to get RUINED, it will never be MY fault. This makes me very happy!

The laundry has grown to large mountainous heaps and tonight it's time to tackle the beast. All of you out there who are reading this blog and actually HAVE a washer and dryer in your home... I hate you. We have laundry in the building, but it's coin operated, so we're still always digging for quarters like we're freakin' college students. Ah, such is the life of a New Yorker!

I hate it when laundry piles up and you can't find anything to wear! Who can agree with me, that even though a female closet may be full of clothing items, there are still only a select few that really get worn on a regular rotation (especially in my case, where I have to dress up in business clothing for work.) To be honest, we really haven't done laundry for over 3 weeks, so now I'm pulling all kinds of crazy crap out of the back of my closet to wear to work: skirts that are too short to sit down in, pants that are too big, and long-sleeved blouses that are too HOT for this weather! Ughhh!!!

Eventually, I'm going to be wearing the leopard dress that Dan used as his Mary Murphy costume, if I don't get some clean clothes SOON! :)

Louis Vuitton attracts Police

Louis Vuitton's 5th avenue store launched a new window display that looks like someone broke into the store. In fact, it looks SO real, that police actually entered the boutique to investigate the "heist!"

Check out the story and view pics of the new LV window HERE

Clever graffitti!

Monday Morning: time to see some muscles!

As if I don't need any more reasons to get my butt to the gym tonight: check out this NY Times article about the olympic athletes' amazing bodies. Anyone need any laundry that needs washing on these abs?

Disney Sells inappropriate childrens' underroos?

Disney is apologizing over some "High School Musical" panties that apparently say "Dive In" on the front. Yikes, Disney!

Check out the story here

For Cory

Would you care for a VEGGITABLE pie? How about HAWAIIN? I think I'll take the
MEA BALL... but please add mu$hroom and pepper$.

Hmmm... I think I'll wash it all down with a SNPPLE. And I'll take a Coffe to go, please. :)

Miami!

Here's some pictures of our suite in Miami! Oh yeah, baby- VIP suite 'cause that's how we roll! :) Actually, my company owns this hotel in Miami, so we stayed there for free, all comp! The suite was HUGE- easily 4 times the size of our apartment. There was an entryway/foyer, huge dining area, 2 sitting areas, plasma tv's and a gorgeous bathroom (which, for some reason, I didn't get pictures of!) I loved the shower- it was a "rainfall" shower, with a huge glass walk-in! Very posh, and very nice!

We had a wine and cheese platter waiting for our arrival, as well as a handwritten card from the General Manager, with his cell number if I needed anything! It was like the red carpet was rolled out for us- we ordered room service, ate at the hotel restaurants and bar, and charged it all to the room. When we checked out... it was all wiped clean, and NO charges! A-mazing!

The views were awesome- we were on the top floor, and the windows overlooked downtown Miami on one side and the port with all the cruise ships on the other. Hey, who wants to party with me in Miami next time?! :)

A mistake I will be paying for the next few days...

Ugh, on Monday night I skipped the gym (yes! I AM human!) and went home after work. I just haven't been feeling it since I got back from Miami. I haven't gone to the gym since my birthday! I've decided there's no use in going if I'm not READY and focused, so I'm going to jump in with a couple LONG workouts on Saturday and Sunday, and then I'll be ready to tackle it every night next week. There's a ton of excuses I could give you: I'm tired from the weekend in Miami, it's raining every day and I don't want to walk to the gym in the rain... blah blah blah. I know excuses are bull-crap. I wrote down a quote and saved it on my iPhone:

"A person who wants something will find a way. A person who doesn't will find an excuse."

Pretty good, right? It's true for anything you desire to accomplish: save more money, stop smoking (crack), go on a diet, become rich and famous (ahem, that's mine!)... the point is, excuses are excuses.

So, back to my story (I always wander off... hey look a quarter!)

I went home and was feeling exhausted since we flew in at 3am on Monday morning, and unlike Dan, I HAD to get up for work 4 hours later (how do you people with babies DO this every day?!) So obviously, I didn't feel like making supper. I decided to eat a bowl of Cheerios- healthy and simple. I poured the milk and noticed it didn't smell too good. Checked the expiration: August 2nd?! Oh well, it should be fine.

So I ate a few bites, and some more...and some more. And eventually, I convinced myself that it didn't taste too bad. Then, I thought maybe the cheerios were stale, because after they got soggy they were REALLY awful.

Then, I noticed that the milk was kind of "stringy" in my mouth. AND tasted like vinegar. GROSS! So, I threw out the rest of the cereal (I had eaten almost all of it, though!) and poured the milk down the drain. The last bit of milk at the bottom of the carton was CLUMPED! UGHH!!!

So, what's the result? Well, now I'm on the "drink bad milk" diet, and it's working surprisingly well! Basically, you drink spoiled milk, and then for the next (what are we on now, 4?) days, you have terrible stomach cramps and diarreha, and anything you eat only stays with you for a few minutes! Great diet, right? I bet you're all glad I shared that. Actually, DON'T drink spoiled milk. I was being sarcastic. Really. Don't. REALLY.

Sorry, America! You're definitely not winning gold medals in education!

I'd be SCREAMING too!

This is why kids are terrified of clowns! Geez! She is definitely gonna need therapy...

Maybe these two guys SHOULDN'T sit next to each other...

HOT pocket!

DO IT, Obama! DO IT!

Curly or Straight- the Great Debate! (I can write titles that rhyme...)

I was watching Good Morning America this morning and saw a human behavior experiment for curly hair versus straight hair. Check out the clip by clicking right HERE

Basically, they do an experiment asking guys to rate attractiveness of a girl with natural curly hair, and then the SAME girl is shown in a separate photo with straight hair. Who gets the higher score?

They do the same with 2 job interviews- once she goes to an interview with curly hair and the other time with straight. She wears the exact same clothes, makeup, etc. Which do you think scored better in the interview?

It's so interesting, because for years I've straightened my hair, and now I've finally become accepting of it in it's naturally curly/wavy state. Dan prefers it curly, and it's so much easier especially in the summer, because the slightest bit of humidity or rain and BOING it's back to curls anyway. It's nice to have the option of doing straight hair if I want to, but it's just SO much work!

When I did job interviews here in NYC, I wore it straight and pulled back- thinking it would be more professional and sleek, but according to this video, maybe I should have went with curly?

What are YOUR thoughts? Anyone else out there straighten their hair everyday, or have you given in to the natural texture that God gave you?

Best Halloween Costume

Get it? He's bringing sexy back!

I don't know why I'm posting this...

Why don't they just make bigger SEATS? Do big people have bigger POOPS too? Ewwwwww

Does your face hurt? Cause it's KILLING ME!

My jaw's been pretty bad this week, folks. For those of you who don't know, I have TMJ- it was diagnosed in university, when I went to the doctor for piercing painful ear infections, but I didn't have an ear infection! They couldn't diagnose what was wrong with me, but I was crying in severe pain for a week before they referred me to an ear nose and throat specialist, who took a pressure test inside my ears. They found out that I grind my teeth in my sleep, and because of it, I had worn away the cartiledge between my mandibular joint and my skull and that's what was causing the pain. I had MRI's, I had a splint built for my mouth that I used to wear 24/7 and now I just wear at night. Anyway, my jaw would lock open or it would lock closed and I had to drink shakes through a straw for 3 months. I had a surgery where they used a laser to build scar tissue to replace the missing cartiledge, and after lots of prayer and healing, I finally recovered. BUT, I still have to be careful- I cut up all my food (especially apples and crunchy stuff) into small pieces, and I am careful working out not to clench my jaw when lifting, or impact it when running or jumping rope. It's one of those things that will never go away, I just have to take care of it, and be aware of what triggers the pain.

You know what triggers it the most? STRESS. Yup, and Monday and Tuesday were extremely stressful days at work, where I was working under an extremely close deadline to get stuff done. As a result, I got the searing, sharp pains in my eardrums again, and I knew it was time to slow down and relax before my TMJ got outta control. As a result, I skipped the gym entirely this week, and just walked the 50 blocks home from work everyday instead. I got home Monday, walked the dogs, put on my jaw splint, and took a muscle relaxer. Next thing I know, I woke up at 3am on the sofa- I'd fallen asleep at 7pm! I went to bed and feel asleep again until my alarm went off at 7am. Yay- 12 hours of sleep! My jaw feels much better- just a little sore, as if you chewed a whole bunch of that hard bazooka joe bubble gum for like 3 hours. Know what I mean?

Side effects... um... yeah!

This vaccine shot is driving me nuts! The spot where I got the injection is SWOLLEN- like a 1 inch diameter LUMP on my upper arm, and it's all red and extremely itchy! Plus, the spot where the needle went in is bruised purple and green. People keep asking me, "What the hell happened to your ARM?!" It's nasty-looking! Now I know why babies cry so much and are grumpy after getting shots- it's miserable!

Good Idea! Saves money on those childproof plastic thingys!

Click to enlarge ( so you can read the ridiculously small font... geez!)

Hey, I said PLEASE!

Celebrity yearbook photos

Jack Black looks awesome- Lance Bass is scary, and well, we can all see why Mariah Carey has gotten so much plastic surgery! Yikes!

CLICK HERE

PLEASE read the sign!

This is great- it makes me LOL :)

A new Photoshop gallery!

Check out how Redbook made FAITH HILL look on their cover. The before picture and the after photoshop picture are outrageous! Hey, ladies- I bet this will make you feel MUCH better about yourself!

Beauty is a BUSINESS, folks! The creams, makeup, hair- none if it works, because none of these people look like that in real life!

Greatest City in the World

Yet another reason to be awed by New York City: The United Nations. I was walking by the other day, and I realized I'd never been over here to see the UN buildings. It's way over on 1st avenue and 46th street, which is a neighborhood I guess I'm never in. I decided to walk to my doctor's office on 51st and 2nd ave since it was such a nice day out- I love it when the summer heat starts to calm down and you're left with sun, a cool breeze and cool evenings. Isn't that the best?

No Smoking Apples?

I saw this sign on the way to my doctor's office on Friday. I thought it was funny- it can be interpreted in a couple of different ways, right? No smoking apples allowed here? Apples are prohibited from smoking? Ok, well we know the obvious- no smoking in the big apple, but I think this sign is a funny way of saying it!

I had a rushed doctor's appointment because I realized that I'm turning 27 next weekend, and I didn't get the Guardasil vaccine for HPV. It's only covered by insurance for women up to 26, so I had to get the vaccine while I was STILL 26! It HURT, and there's 2 more injections to come. My whole arm was sore the next day- deep in the muscle. Anyone else get this vaccine?

Another Rat Picture...ENJOY!

One of the benefits of having a PRIVATE blog post...

Yes, that IS Dan. In drag. Let me explain:

Dan left for Miami on Sunday for his semi-annual manager meetings for Diesel. All the managers are together for a week, and since he's a corporate senior manager now, he leads the meetings, gives presentations, etc. One of the activities is to divide managers into groups, who will then give presentations on what they've learned. Dan and 2 other people will be "judges" from current reality shows, and will comically judge their presentations and give prizes. They take this very seriously! Dan decided to be Mary Murphy, the crazy judge from "So you think you can Dance." Mary is famous for her "HOT TAMALE TRAIN WOOOOO!!!!"

Saturday was one of the funniest days ever because Dan made me go shopping for his "outfit." We first bought the wig for him ( I think it's pretty close to Mary's haircut!) and we got a great deal for $9.99! Of course, Dan made ME ask for and purchase everything, because he didn't want people to think it was for HIM! :) Ha ha !

Next, we went to find him an outfit. We went to this little shop in midtown that had hoochie type club clothing for like $5 and up. First, we found the patent spike high heels- the higher the better! Dan didn't know what size to buy, and he was too embarassed so he snuck off to a corner and hid behind a clothes rack while I blocked the view so that he could try on his high heels! I was laughing so hard I thought I'd pee my pants! He was like, "OWWW!!! These things HURT!" I told him maybe now he won't act annoyed when I complain about my feet hurting after spending 8 hours in heels! These heels were perfect in a size 10 and they were only $19! Score!

I picked out this leopard dress, and we both agreed it was perfect. Dan wanted to try it on in the fitting room, but I talked him out of it because I said that would be a little TOO weird, and the sales people didn't look like they were in a laughing mood! It was lycra so I assured him it would fit. The dress was only $24!

We got home, and Dan wanted me to teach him how to walk in the heels. He wobbled around like a line-backer until I showed him how to point the toe, shoulders back, and walk in a straight line while swaying your hips. He didn't do so well because he kept complaining about the shoes being so tight. Then we had to make him some boobies. He put on my bra, stuffed it with socks and then complained that they were still too small! I told him sorry, but your wife is an A cup, and you're not making me feel any better about it! LOL

He talked me into letting him take my thigh high black hose with the seams up the back to complete his "look." I made him promise to take pictures when he's all done up with the makeup and everything. Here's a preview of his look: We both agreed he makes a VERY ugly woman! I guess that's a GOOD thing?!


I tried on the wig and asked him if he'd like his wife to be a brunette. His answer? NO!!!!!!!!