29 March 2008
28 March 2008
World's Greatest Ninja
Come on, don't even try to pretend you didn't LOL at THIS one! Blah-ha-ha-ha! This is officially enough to make my whole day!
Finger air quotes
Seriously, one of my pet peeves is when people quotes improperly like this. I love this sign! HI-Larious!
27 March 2008
Curiobot
Sarah/Joe: this website has the COOLEST stuff for your new house! Check it out! I love the grass chair and the moustache cup. I wish I had the square footage to make some purchases!
25 March 2008
Have you ever wondered...
... if the "before" and "after" pictures in those diet pill ads were taken in the opposite order? Before: washboard abs. After: beer gut.
24 March 2008
Palindromes
A Toyota's a Toyota
Anne, I vote more cars race Rome to Vienna
Campus motto: bottoms up, Mac
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.
Anne, I vote more cars race Rome to Vienna
Campus motto: bottoms up, Mac
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.
23 March 2008
Brilliant!
Don't you think EVERYONE should have shoe stairs? This is a GREAT idea! Perfect for NYC, especially!20 March 2008
It really works!
This website is GENIUS! Cookingbynumbers.com lets you click on the items in your fridge and cupboard, and then it will automatically generate a list of recipes that you can create from those items! Presto! I even tried clicking the most obscure and random ingredients, and it STILL managed to find recipes that I would actually try! If you’re too lazy or too poor to get to the grocery store, and you’re HUNGRY, then make sure you bookmark this into your favorites! Cool idea, too!
19 March 2008
Peep-O-Rama
This is my second "Peep-post" in the last week! I must have peeps on the brain! This website is SO fantastically cute, and it's dedicated to the marshmallow-y goodness of our favourite little chicken treat! Check it out HERE
18 March 2008
Interesting point...
Like a lot of people in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit.
In order to get that paycheck--I am required to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.
Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on their butt.
Could you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check.
-Source: dysan.netRrrr... Rrrr
I’m trying to teach Prince to talk- I’m convinced he can do it! Have you ever seen those dogs on America’s Funniest Home Videos? Prince does it already, but he just hasn’t figured out how to make his warblings sound like WORDS. The first word he needs to learn (of course) is “MAMA.” I hold up a treat and won’t give it to him until he says it. I repeat very slowly, “MA…MA! MA…MA!” and he says “rrRRRR RRRR.” Don’t worry, we’ll get there. Someday, we’ll even advance to “Pardon me, but may I trouble you for a biscuit?”
I believe in you, Princy!
Romeo, on the other hand is totally uninterested and couldn’t care less. He sits and keeps pawing you in the face until you give him the treat.
I believe in you, Princy!
Romeo, on the other hand is totally uninterested and couldn’t care less. He sits and keeps pawing you in the face until you give him the treat.
17 March 2008
St. Patrick's Day Tree
So, what’s up with THIS?! Last night, Dan and I were walking down our street and saw this CHRISTMAS TREE sitting out for the trash pickup! A REAL, not artificial, folks Christmas tree! What the crap?! You mean to tell me somebody had their Christmas tree sitting up in their apartment for 3 months AFTER Christmas? It’s St. Patrick’s day, for crying out loud! Isn’t this unbelievable?
14 March 2008
BMW drivers
Question: What's the difference between a BMW and a Porcupine?
Answer: The porcupine has pricks on the OUTSIDE!
Nice job "fixing" your BMW, buddy. Hey, if this person has enough cash to afford this car, can't he afford some real body work?
13 March 2008
Brokeback woman
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.'
The hired hand readily agreed and went into t own on Saturday night. He returned around 2:30 am , and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's w idow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. 'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said: 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!'
Now that's funny ... I don't care who you are!!!!
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.'
The hired hand readily agreed and went into t own on Saturday night. He returned around 2:30 am , and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's w idow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. 'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said: 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!'
Now that's funny ... I don't care who you are!!!!
Homework
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period." "I haven't got a clue," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and Reverend Hibbert next door shot himself."
12 March 2008
08 March 2008
The Difference Between Work and Prison
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
At PRISON You spend most of your time in a 10X10 cell
At WORK you spend most of your time in a 6X6 cubicle
At PRISON You get three meals a day, fully paid for
At WORK you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
At PRISON For good behavior, you get time off
At WORK For good behavior, you get more work
At PRISON The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
At WORK You must carry a security card and open all the doors yourself
At PRISON You can watch TV and play games
At WORK You could get fired for watching TV and playing games
At PRISON You get your own toilet
At WORK You have to share the toilet with people who pee on the seat
At PRISON They allow your family and friends to visit
At WORK You aren’t even supposed to speak to your family
At PRISON All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
At WORK You must pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners
At PRISON You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
At WORK You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars
At PRISON You must deal with sadistic wardens
At WORK They are called ‘managers’
At PRISON You spend most of your time in a 10X10 cell
At WORK you spend most of your time in a 6X6 cubicle
At PRISON You get three meals a day, fully paid for
At WORK you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
At PRISON For good behavior, you get time off
At WORK For good behavior, you get more work
At PRISON The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
At WORK You must carry a security card and open all the doors yourself
At PRISON You can watch TV and play games
At WORK You could get fired for watching TV and playing games
At PRISON You get your own toilet
At WORK You have to share the toilet with people who pee on the seat
At PRISON They allow your family and friends to visit
At WORK You aren’t even supposed to speak to your family
At PRISON All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
At WORK You must pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners
At PRISON You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
At WORK You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars
At PRISON You must deal with sadistic wardens
At WORK They are called ‘managers’
06 March 2008
05 March 2008
04 March 2008
1902
What a difference in the last century! Here are the U.S. statistics for 1902.
1. The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven (47).
2. Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub.
3. Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
4. There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
5. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
6. Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union. 7. The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower
8. The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.
9. The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year
10. A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
11. More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.
12. Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard." 13. Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
14. Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
1. The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven (47).
2. Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub.
3. Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
4. There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
5. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
6. Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union. 7. The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower
8. The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.
9. The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year
10. A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
11. More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.
12. Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard." 13. Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
14. Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
15. Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.
16. The five leading causes of death in the US were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
17. The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
18. The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.
19. Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
20. There were no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
21. One in ten US adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
22. Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
23. Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
24. There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.
Wow! So much has changed just in the last 106 years! Can you imagine how much more the world will change by 2108?
16. The five leading causes of death in the US were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
17. The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
18. The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.
19. Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
20. There were no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
21. One in ten US adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
22. Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
23. Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
24. There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.
Wow! So much has changed just in the last 106 years! Can you imagine how much more the world will change by 2108?
Math in the Ghetto
THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
NAME____________________
NAME____________________
GANG NAME ___________________
TAG____________________
HOOD____________________
1).Little Jimmy has an AK 47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Little Johnny attempt before he has to reload?
2).Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3).Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?
4).Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?
5).Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?
6).Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra credit bonus: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?
7).If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint free?
8).Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?
9).Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa on one week's income?
10). Billy steals Joe's skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?
Sue YOU!
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
Feelin' Hot hot hot
Today's high temp in NYC is 63F/17C- isn't that AWESOME! It's SPRING!!! (um... knock on wood!) Last year we got a big snowstorm on St. Patrick's day, though. I'm SO thankful for this beautiful day and this amazing weather! I talked to my mom last night on the phone (they live in New Brunswick, Canada) and she said that the news was saying that the province has gotten over 13 FEET(!)of snow this winter! Isn't that unbelievable?! They've run out of salt for the roads, and every city is way over budget for snow removal costs. They had to resort to using gravel and sand on the roads instead of salt, because the salt mines can't even produce any more salt because of all the ice and snow. This is one for the books! I asked my mom to take pictures and send to me for my blog, but she laughed and said, "I don't want to take any pictures! I don't want to remember this winter!"
Ow!
This morning, I peeled an orange, and that's how I found out that I have a papercut on my finger. OW! Have you ever done that? Geez, it STINGS! Note to self: check hands for cuts before applying citric acid to them.
Huh?
I saw a billboard this morning that said the word "wiseguy" and I started thinking,
Why is it that a wise GUY and a wise MAN are total OPPOSITES? Wise guy means dumb and wise man means smart. That's weird.
Why is it that a wise GUY and a wise MAN are total OPPOSITES? Wise guy means dumb and wise man means smart. That's weird.
01 March 2008
Grand Prize
Ha ha, funny, right? The first thing I thought of when I read this story and saw the picture of this waitress was... wait, she worked at HOOTERS?! Are you SURE? Hmmmm.... no offense but...
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