Speaking of...

A clear desk is the sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes!
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Give me ambiguity or give me something else
HONK if you want to see my finger
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck
I tried snorting coke once... the ice cubes got stuck in my nose
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people get
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?
All generalizations are false.
If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria (especially in NYC!)
Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Bad spellers of the world untie.
Friction is a drag.
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
A clear conscience is merely the result of bad memory.
I'm in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it?
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station..
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older Then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Clones are people two.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Atheism is a nonprophet organization.