17 August 2007

Look away, baby, look away

There's an unspoken no eye contact rule on the subway. When you're riding with a million or so other strangers, you have no right to personal space. Inevitably, you WILL be pushed up in someone's armpit, have your face inches away from someone's sweat-stained back (GROSS!) or, my personal worst- BUTT TO BUTT. URRGHHH! I will push myself into someone else to avoid touching butts- I know, you're reading this and thinking "That's AWFUL!" Yeah, it is.

So, since you can't avoid the proximity, you really just get used to it. The first lesson to learn is to avoid staring or making eye contact. Stare at whatever else you can- your shoes, your iPod, or "pretend" to be looking out the window of the train (which is really just a black tunnel.) If you accidentally stare at someone, and (heaven forbid) they catch you- quickly smile apologetically, and quickly look down at your phone or watch or SOMETHING. You can also pretend you were staring out the (non-existent) window near their head. In a moment of desperation, I'll admit I've even closed my eyes immediately and faked a sudden narcolepsy attack. (don't laugh, it's true.) It's creepy enough to be butt to butt with the person behind you and face to armpit with the person in front of you, but if you have to LOOK at them, well it's 10x more uncomfortable.

Which leads me to this crazy guy yesterday on the train, who- inches from my face, and at about my height (short guy), STARED unrelentlessly at me the WHOLE trip. I even did the "hey, I'm looking back at you because I know you're staring and I want you to stop" thing, and he only turned away for a second. Then I got self-conscious: is there something on my face? Is my mascara running from my face in this other guy's back sweat? (kidding!) I got off the train, and looked over my shoulder every step to see if this psycho was gonna pull out a bic pen he'd sharpened into a weapon or something... (I dunno, my imagination took hold.)

Turns out, he was just your typical rush hour commuter weirdo.

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